Five years ago I was graduating college, getting married, and planning on building a house in Huntington.
Well - the job I had been guaranteed fell through, the land thing didn't work out, and things with my inlaws were anything but easy. I ended up working as a teller for about 6 weeks when I randomly checked the Lufkin ISD website. Surprise, surprise! They had an english opening. I applied, interviewed - and one thing led to the other. My wedding was absolutely beautiful - magical, even.
Four years ago, 12 weeks into our marriage, I got pregnant with Braxton...and life quickly changed. On that same day, David was layed off from Lufkin Industries, building our house in Huntington quickly seem unattainable, but we were happy. Unsure about the future, but happy. I had an amazing first year at Lufkin. We moved into my parent's house and welcomed the most precious bundle of joy imaginable. We faced many, many hardships that year - but Braxton gave us such abundant joy that it was impossible to miss.
David started police academy at Angelina College and thing were looking up.
Three years ago, David was working for Nacogdoches PD, I was starting a new class at Lufkin, and Braxton was growing by leaps and bounds. We were growing closer to new people - and Michael and Mallori cemented themselves forever as our best friends. We were very involved in church and even though David's work schedule sucked - we were happy. Christmas night an incident happened that altered our life once again. New Years Day, David was informed that he was no longer needed at Nacogdoches PD - and life changed again. We rolled with the punches...but this was a devastating blow. I'll never forget the hurt in my husbands face when he walked through the doors, midnight, on new years eve. "What's wrong!?!?!? What's wrong!!!" - I learned from the night of the shooting that anytime your husband is a police officer and comes home early...it's not a good sign. "What's wrong!?!?" - my heart was racing and I was scared to death. "I...I...I didn't make it - I'm not a cop anymore" - my world changed. Not because we in the throes of unemployment again...but because my husband's heart was broken. We woke my parents up and all met in the living room. They offered comfort and encouragement. We knew that we would make it. We went down more law enforcement job paths, to no avail. David then got a job at Georgia Pacific...just until "something opened up." Little did we know, that he found a home, created a future for us far beyond what we could ever imagine. We moved out that summer, and life started again. Actually, life really did start. July 22nd, we found out that we were pregnant with our Hadley Grace.
Two years ago - David was receiving promotion after promotion. I went through some true struggles at work. But we were making it. For the first time in our lives we were truly on our own (or as on our own as our family allows). We were being so blessed! Beyond measure! David was on a business trip when my contractions with Hadley Grace started. I was terrified. Mallori went with me to the hospital. They observed us, and said that they were very worried about her. HG would be delivered March 17 - David's birthday. David came home, and we had a baby. Our family grew, our hearts grew, and life was good. We began building that dream house, too, by the way.
This year - we've attained some of the highest goals we set for ourselves. We've faced some hardships and trials at church - but it's allowed us to grow closer as a couple. It's given us the opportunity to see how loyal and amazing our friends our - protectors, defenders, good deep into their souls. David has received promotion after promotion. He's headed to Canada, Green Bay...tons of places. Our kids are a joy. Our life is good.
And just think...five years ago...we weren't too sure!
Monday, May 23, 2011
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Losing a friend and letting go...
A lot has happened since I last posted...best friend got married, cruise, new puppy, HG's birthday - and work/church has been a hot mess. So forgive me for not posting (for those that care).
What I want to write about today, isn't going to be pretty. In fact, I prepared myself by sitting at my kitchen table - determined to sit and write until this was posted.
I'm losing a friend. Well, technically, I think I already lost this friend. We are at the point now to where our time forcefully spent together is coming to an end. 10 more days and our paths technically never have to cross again. 10 days to say what needs to be said. 10 days left for uncomfortable silences. 10 days.
This friend hurt me. And I mean...hurt me. I saw things and heard things he said about me that I know, with all my heart, he never intended for me to know about. But...I do. What do you do when that happens? What do you do when you hear and see things that you know were not meant for your eyes because the person saying them cares about you - but still...you know. I know.
I think back to the closeness that I once felt with him. Good...good memories of laughing over people and experiences. Poking fun at my youth compared to his "age of wisdom." Music. My penchant for sappiness. Griping about spouses, kids, bills, money - rejoicing in pregnancies, ups in marriages, successes in our jobs. Our friendship was never seamless. My need to mother got on his last nerve...but the honesty we had established in our friendship let him know that it was only because I cared. His utter assholeness, at times, served as his trusty shield to not let others get too close - and his honesty with me allowed me to know that. We worked around it, snapped at each other, laughed about it, and moved on. There were conversations shared that did not speak highly of my personality or character. But I trusted him enough to share them with him...and though our friendship faded - my trust never wavered. In fact, on occasion there would be out of the blue emails and we'd pick up right where we left off - venting/bitching/blowing off steam - trusting that it wouldn't be shared - and put right back down again.
I think that if that level of trust and honesty hadn't existed in our friendship - I wouldn't have been so hurt about what was said. One of my classic quotes is - I know who I am and I know who and what I'm not. I know that I'm overweight. I know that I'm bossy. I know that I'm not what the world, with one glance would consider beautiful. I'm not saying that I'm proud of that or even take joy in that - but I do take joy in knowing who I am. In making the most of it, maybe? I'm not going to say that my weight never bothers me - but I've found beauty in myself, despite that, and I'm pretty proud of that. Still...the things he said...even with my own self honesty...hurt - because they came from someone who I thought was willing to look deeper than most.
I've already confronted him - but still feel unsettled. I have ten days to say goodbye. Ten days to say thank you for the mentorship, honesty, advice, and good times. Ten days to sort through this so I can see him go on his way without regrets. Ten days.
What I want to write about today, isn't going to be pretty. In fact, I prepared myself by sitting at my kitchen table - determined to sit and write until this was posted.
I'm losing a friend. Well, technically, I think I already lost this friend. We are at the point now to where our time forcefully spent together is coming to an end. 10 more days and our paths technically never have to cross again. 10 days to say what needs to be said. 10 days left for uncomfortable silences. 10 days.
This friend hurt me. And I mean...hurt me. I saw things and heard things he said about me that I know, with all my heart, he never intended for me to know about. But...I do. What do you do when that happens? What do you do when you hear and see things that you know were not meant for your eyes because the person saying them cares about you - but still...you know. I know.
I think back to the closeness that I once felt with him. Good...good memories of laughing over people and experiences. Poking fun at my youth compared to his "age of wisdom." Music. My penchant for sappiness. Griping about spouses, kids, bills, money - rejoicing in pregnancies, ups in marriages, successes in our jobs. Our friendship was never seamless. My need to mother got on his last nerve...but the honesty we had established in our friendship let him know that it was only because I cared. His utter assholeness, at times, served as his trusty shield to not let others get too close - and his honesty with me allowed me to know that. We worked around it, snapped at each other, laughed about it, and moved on. There were conversations shared that did not speak highly of my personality or character. But I trusted him enough to share them with him...and though our friendship faded - my trust never wavered. In fact, on occasion there would be out of the blue emails and we'd pick up right where we left off - venting/bitching/blowing off steam - trusting that it wouldn't be shared - and put right back down again.
I think that if that level of trust and honesty hadn't existed in our friendship - I wouldn't have been so hurt about what was said. One of my classic quotes is - I know who I am and I know who and what I'm not. I know that I'm overweight. I know that I'm bossy. I know that I'm not what the world, with one glance would consider beautiful. I'm not saying that I'm proud of that or even take joy in that - but I do take joy in knowing who I am. In making the most of it, maybe? I'm not going to say that my weight never bothers me - but I've found beauty in myself, despite that, and I'm pretty proud of that. Still...the things he said...even with my own self honesty...hurt - because they came from someone who I thought was willing to look deeper than most.
I've already confronted him - but still feel unsettled. I have ten days to say goodbye. Ten days to say thank you for the mentorship, honesty, advice, and good times. Ten days to sort through this so I can see him go on his way without regrets. Ten days.
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