This weekend....

This weekend I cleaned my house from top to bottom, got caught up on laundry, held and loved on two sick babies, made homemade soup, whatever Braxton wanted for breakfast, graded papers, made worksheets, and even ironed. I also snapped at my husband and yelled at Braxton to hush when he wouldn't stop whining. I spilled a gallon of milk all over the kitchen floor. I got frustrated when I could get Hadley to take her medicine. I cried while having to hold Braxton down for his breathing treatment.

My point - no one's perfect. On my very best day my life is anything but a fairytale. There's good along with the bad. Here's some examples:

I've nursed some pretty serious boo boo's with nothing but a scooby doo bandaid and a kiss. I've also had to save Hadley from choking on one that I forgot the nurse put on her finger at her doctor's visit. I've ironed clothes until two in the morning so that my husband would look professional and "cared for" at work. I've also told him to just throw them in the dryer first thing in the morning - because I was gonna watch "Housewives". I've loved on Bug and talked him down from the scariest of temper tantrums. I've also totally lost it and literally had to walk away. I've rushed to tend to the cries of Hadley Grace at all hours of the night with pure joy in my heart. On more than one occasion, I've prayed that she would just go back to sleep so I didn't have to get out of bed. I've made 45 dollars for gas and food stretch for 2 weeks. I've also spent 150 bucks we didn't necessarily have on impulse buys at Target. I've made some awesome homemade dinners with Bug's help - from pizza to chicken and dumplings! I've also been told by the school that it wouldn't hurt if his lunch had a bit of variation from day to day. (What's wrong with pb&j?)

My world is not all rainbows and butterflies. There's nothing like real life to make the good and bad in you, both, shine. I've had great triumphs as a parent and wife. But, my friends, I've had many of failures as well. But at the end of the day, I simply am who I am. I'm not saying that I'm 100 percent satisified with myself and that I don't seek betterment - I definitely do! But I realize that the good and bad is a part of who I am. Do I broadcast my failures - not at all. But sharing my struggles as a mom, wife, daughter, teacher, woman gives me strength - and just maybe they give others the feeling that they're not in it alone.

Dawn Dish Detergent is not an Aphrodisiac

I love my husband. Really, I do. And most of the time, I even genuinely like him. So, keep that in mind while you read this blog.

Why in the world would my husband think that while I'm doing the dishes is the time to come and try to "holla" - I mean - REALLY! This scenario plays out again and again and again - my kitchen is a disaster area. DIS-AS-TER. I'm at the sink, frantically scrubbing dishes and loading the dishwasher like I'm training for the Olympics. I've also managed to pick up no fewer than 3 pairs of socks, 2 towels, and the babysons discarded pants from earlier in the day so I could start a load of laundry. I have one goal in mind - getting the kitchen clean so I can cook supper for my family - and freakin SIT DOWN for the first time in ages.

And now, here comes David. Empty handed, mind you, he hasn't picked up the laundry or the stray dish that I missed on my way to the sink. And he's doing that walk - I don't think I can put it into words, but ladies - you know the walk. The walk where the lower end gets to you before any other part of his body. Yeah...that walk. The one that has the some value as shaking it at you.

I see him in my peripheral vision doing the leery creeper walk. I have an idea - surely if I rattle of my list of to dos before I can sit down, he'll get the clue that right now is not a good time. Or - maybe I can ask if the kids have had a bath? Does he see any laundry? Oh wait - a bird, a plane - a lone dish in the bathroom. Nothing. "I don't see any babe, creeper shuffle creeper shuffle." "Nope babe, you got em all" - creeper shuffle creeper shuffle. "I'll get it in a minute, right now I'm doing something else." Creeper shuffle creeper shuffle.

I mean - really?? Come on, Harris. And then it happens - suddenly I'm shoved against the sink. I've sloshed water all over myself from the bowl I was scrubbing. And this is what I hear...

wait for it.

wait for it.

"You busy?"

Seriously? What makes him think that while I'm elbow deep in dishwasher - scrubbing the bowl I found on the side of the couch that contained his LUCKY CHARMS from Saturday that I'm interested at ALL in being "busy".

This happens again and again! Why don't men get that the time to be romantic is AFTER they've helped you put the laundry away or cleared the dinner plates. After they swept the living room floor - just cause. My new line - be my help mate - and I'll be your bed mate!!

'Just sayin...
:)

I really do love him.

Group Work With a Moral

My students are finishing up a massive project. We've given them two weeks to create a presentation over TAKS vocabulary words as well as a handout - the only catch is that it has to be creative. They absolutely love it. I chose groups with extreme care and tried to put complementary personalities together. My "matchmaking" was both successful and a hot mess. But we're making it. Like I said, the kids love it, I just kinda struggle through.

My first year teaching, I didn't believe in group work. Well, let me rephrase that, it's not that I didn't believe in it...I knew that part of my job was helping students learn how to collaborate and work together...but it scared me. I preferred straight, neat rows of 5 compared to clumped, scattered desks. I preferred clean carpets and aisles, compared to glitter and stick glue. I preferred silence to the eternal yapping that accompanies group work. I preferred my way compared to seeing how it went.

I remember the first time I attempted group work. It actually wasn't a disaster. It went smoothly...and my kids were having fun. It wasn't silent but it was productive. It wasn't neat and orderly, but it was engaged. It made me feel successful.

Now, here's the moral to my story. I've been thinking a lot about my life lately. It seems like, right now, I'm just a bundle of stress. There's conflict and confrontation in many different directions. I feel like I'm in charge of SO much. Sometimes I feel like I can't misstep or fall out of line, even for a second, because it'll instantly be under scrutiny. So, here I am, frantically trying to keep my rows straight and the glitter off the floor - all the while the world is having a silly string/confetti party in my classroom!

I'm tired. I'm weary. Maybe even a little broken. I'm at the end of my rope. I feel like I can't hang on even a second longer. But, you know what...sometimes God has to get me to that point so that I'll let go. So that's what I'm working on right now. Letting go. Letting fear, doubt, worry, disappointment, frustration...letting it all go. I'm learning that if I focus on the rows, and the silence, and the control...I'm probably going to miss out on something big.

So...I'm letting go.

I'm more...

I'm more spice than sugar.
I'm more "I can't believe I said that" than politically correct.
I'm more of a guys girl than a girls girl.
I'm more of jeans and tshirts than skirts and heels.
I'm more Kid Rock than Lil Wayne.
I'm more Eminem than Drake.
I'm more country than city.
I'm more Larry the Cable Guy than Tom Cruise.
I'm more Nick Jr. than Disney.
I'm more pasta than salad.
I'm more fat and happy than skinny and hungry.
I'm more ballsy than meek.
I'm more group of close friends than a gaggle of girls.
I'm more shut up and listen than I'll stand here and wait until you're quiet.
I'm more loved than hated.

I'm more board games than nights out.

Mother of the Year...not!

(This post was written previously, but not posted. Like it matters, right?)

Last night I cooked dinner at my folk's house. We had a great time and really enjoyed the visit. Since Mom had already bathed Braxton, when we got home I decided to just stick Hadley Grace in the tub with me. Well she was absolutely adorable. She was saying "Ma Ma", waving bye bye - it just had to all be captured on video. So...I got my handy dandy iPhone (Blues Clues - what what??). And I recorded this:

ok...so I was going to insert the video...but can't figure out how to do it - so I'll tell you.

Right as I was saying - say "MaMa" - she reached for a bathtub crayon and went under! You can hear me saying "woah" - then "gassssppp" - then "you're okay!!" - right before the video ends. And you know what - she was okay! But how hilarious that it was all caught on video!

Now - this reminded me of my childhood. I was an incredibly gregarious, stubborn child. I am also an only child. Mom and Dad created an absolutely amazing childhood for me - and what do you do when you create an amazing childhood moment for your kiddos?? That's right, you video it! So the video camera was a regular part of the family. But, more times than not, it captured moments like this:

Easter morning: 1989, I'm 6 years old - dressed and ready for church. Mom wants to get a video of me in my insanely expensive outfit - complete with gloves and southern bell hat. I want to do anything but cooperate. You hear the video starting out like any other video - In my mom's best Barbara Walters voice "This is Easter morning, 1989. We are getting ready for church and Brittany has on her brand new clothes." "Brittany - come stand in front of Mom and tell me what the Easter Bunny brought you!"

I'm not buying it. I'm not budging. I'm not being the polite child I have the potential to be and she longs me to be. I'm sticking out my tongue. I'm swinging my easter basket. I'm scratching...well...I'm not being what she wants me to be! But here's the kicker!!

Mom points the camera in a different direction and gets her third grade teacher voice on - "Brittany Corrie - I am trying to record memories! Do you want everyone for years and years and years to see you doing this?? Do you?? Now act right!!"

Cue video camera angled at me - Diane Sawyer voice - and take 2!

These videos have provided us with lots of entertainment. Now Mom says - why didn't I just let it go!! Why did I stress. Why didn't I put it on pause!! We laugh and laugh and laugh...but the thing is - we want what's best for our kids. We want the clean house (Mom was amazing at that!), the frilly dresses, Easter Basket with New Kids on the Block poster and t-shirt, and dang it, we want it recorded! We want it documented that we got it right...if only for a couple of minutes...we got it right. I get it now, Mom - I really really do!

Almost Friday!

...and thank the Good Lord above!! It's been a different week - student's 1/2 a day wed. and thurs - no students tomorrow - but it's still been a doozy! My foot is getting better every day - much to my relief and my husbands! Which, speaking of husbands, mine has been absolutely amazing during this whole foot thing. He's taken over cooking, kids, and tons more. Feel free to remind me of this when he hasn't been so great and I really come down hard on him - OR - when he does something totally stupid (it happens) yet doesn't quite deserve the full weight of the wrath I'm prepared to dish out.

With that being said - cheers and Greys!

Back to the grind...

Tomorrow is the first class day of 2011...I'm ready for it. As ready as I can be. I actually miss my kids over the break...I get into a routine and get in the habit of checking on them. I hope that they stayed out of trouble, enjoyed their trips, and are all okay.

I am a little anxious about my foot. I feel like once I get in the building, in my room, I'll be good to go. The long walk is what I'm worried about. It's getting to where it will settle to a dull ache when I'm still, but the minute I move or walk searing pain makes it's presence. Oh well...guess we'll just have to see.

In other news, Brax has started doing the cutest thing. I think it stems from Da calling Hadley Grace his princess - but Bug has started calling me princess. He'll either say, "ohhh, mommy princess, your foot hurt?" or come on princess, let's what dino dan! It melts my heart everytime.